Letters to Heaven

My father was a quiet man. Deaf as a post he worked hard from the time he could walk, until the day he died 89 years later. He didn’t demand your attention but he changed the energy in the room. Renowned for his honesty and fairness, even when it was against his own interests.

This is how I remember him, and the legacy he left for me. Thesed are the words my siblings didn’t want me to say out loud.

It’s ironic, or perhaps it’s not, as it is yet one more thing my father showed me how to do. I can still hear his quiet warm voice repeat versions of these words:

It’s good to reflect on the past just don’t make a home there.

There are actually 3 things in life you can count on.

One day you will die,

no one can avoid the tax man,

and everything will change.

His message:

Relish every minute because the next is not guaranteed.

Pay what you owe we all need to survive.

We all stand on shifting sands; keep your mind open and be willing to accept you might be wrong.

Be cautious in what you hold fast to things, and opinions are things, and opinions, People will save you.

At the end of the day you don’t have to be sorry for believing in people, trusting or helping them. If they do you wrong its not yours to answer for. Move on. Don’t carry that pain into the future. The burden will not serve you.

Out of all of the memories of times and vacations, the most enduring legacy for me was his presence and his joy. Everything from his voice to his presence were both quiet yet commanding. When he spoke his voice was quiet and unassuming, it was a voice that invited you to join the conversation, a voice that told you that you mattered.

If you saw that slow grin break across his lips, you knew you were in on the caper, or you had just been got by a master. It was the grin we all saw just as the uninitiated person in the room, or the forgetful sat down beside him.

Angry the volume didn’t really change. You could hear the firm uncrossable line was drawn. His stance was unmovable, his voice nearly sinister in it’s resolve. If you chose to keep pushing it was at your peril. Better just to maintain eye contact and back away slowly.

For me as a child and as an adult Dad was almost a mythical person. Everyone I met who new my father had a story to tell. They were stories of great strength like dumping fully grown men into buckets of water, or loading full oil drums alone.

Some stories are about outrageous behavior, like passing a slow driver in the ditch because he was driving down the middle of the road. Or telling the most outrageous joke at an inappropriate time and causing a room full of uncomfortable people to be comfortable.

What each of these stories has always had in common was respect and friendship.

Dad lived without ambition or pride, yet he accomplished great things, and was proud of the life he had lived.

I don’t remember Dad looking for the grand opportunity, or pursing a great passion, or quick schemes. He worked hard every day and he never walked away from a problem.

He believed that no problem or challenge was someone else’s worry.

If something was wrong and you knew it was wrong you fixed it.

Sometimes that meant running for some public office, sometimes it meant just picking up the garbage (even if it wasn’t yours)

Other times it meant simply saying I’m sorry.

I also realized this week that my father lived without regret.

Dad never left a conversation unfinished an argument unresolved or a job undone. Well except for breaking Mrs. Walds horses, he didn’t get that done this year. I am sure he is sorry about that.

It was important to him to say all there was to say,

to know that he had finished what needed to be done.

We have learned from both our parents that the easy thing is rarely the right thing,

if you have it share it, if you want it work for it,

the only person who needs to praise you for a job well done is the person who looks back at you from the mirror each morning.

And Always thank those who helped you or were kind to you.

If your angry speak out, if not let it go. Stand up for what is right apologize when you are wrong.

Don’t wait for someone else to make it right do it yourself. Treat others with the respect you would like to be treated with even if they don’t give it back.

Respect the environment and all living things because we are all in it together and just like us; the trees the bears and the fish don’t like living in our trash.

If it growls don’t poke it; Sometimes the best you can do is just walk away.

I asked dad once when I was really to young to understand – what he was proud of he replied.

Celeste you ask the most bizarre questions, but what I am proud of is this:

I am proud of my children and the fact that I was able to give them an opportunity for a good education, I am proud that they are following their dreams and they have someone to share their lives with.

I am proud of my wife because she has always stood by me even when times were really tough and she has always encouraged me to be better than I though I could be. Clara raised you kids when I couldn’t be home, she put good food on the table clean clothes on your back and good shoes on your feet, that makes me proud.

Other than that I am really proud of the fact that I can walk down the street and look every person I meet in the eye, and that I can walk into any café in town sit down and enjoy a meal with who ever is in there. Those are the things I am proud of dear.

At the time it seemed to common for someone so big. As I get closer to the end of my path, I realize what a tall order it is to be satisfied with what you have done and who you are.

To be able to get to the end of the journey being content with your life, and your accomplishments, to not need the trophies and the awards to be content. To not wish envy or wish to be more or have more; is not mean feat..

For those whose’s lives he has touched the slow grin, the inappropriate jokes, for my children the swear words, and the bruises from the pinches will forever bring a smile to our faces

The last words I said to my Dad on Sunday were I love you too dad. If I could add just two more lines I would day “Dad you are the best man I know. I hope I am making you proud

If you would like to honour my father – contribute on random act of kindness to the world everyday. One thing you wouldn’t otherwise do. A smile to a strange, a wave to a passing vehicle. It doesn’t have to be huge just something with intent and kindness.

What you left behind